Gabriel’s Sweet Kiss of Grace

Life this past year has been bittersweet as our family is learning to live without our sweet brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, friend, and son, Gabriel. Bitter because the sting of death is painful to endure. Sweet because victory over death was overcome at the cross of Christ.  Death of our earthly bodies is not the end of the story. One day we get Gabriel back, in a new and perfect way.

Since his death on April 12, 2013, it has been difficult to blog. As a matter of fact, if you read the last blog, on his birthday, Sept. 30, 2013, you will see part of the blog’s 32 Reasons to Rejoice is missing.

While editing the blog for some typos, many of the comments were accidentally deleted. Only 8 reasons to rejoice in his life remain on the post. The 24 other reasons will one day be reblogged, but for now, I can’t seem to force myself to retype the words.

But yet, my recently released short resource book for parents who have adult addicted children was penned with my fingers feverishly typing away: Parent of An Adult Addict: Hope for the Broken Road.

Crazy, I know.

Composing words about Gabriel will come with time and when I am able. Working through the unbelief of his death and its reality has now hit strong. Gabriel is not coming home. But, this world wasn’t his true home. Heaven is his real home.

He had begun to make plans to marry a girl, move into a house, and start a family, clean and sober. But in a moment of “one more time,” his dreams came to a screeching halt.

No wife. No house. No children. Heroin had tricked him again. The deception and evilness of addiction hijacked my son’s brain and stole his life.

While some addicts use and die alone, there are those who are left to die when they overdose while using with others. Their friends often bolt out of fear. The scenario with Gabriel was different, his friend did not bolt. When Gabriel overdosed, his friend stayed by his side, performed CPR, alerted emergency responders, and stood vigilant with us at the hospital.

Some families would find it unthinkable and inconceivable allowing the person who used drugs with their child to be present at the bedside and in the hospital waiting room. However, our family decided to embrace this young man. We  made a resolution to view him with eyes of  grace and gratitude. Not haughty disdain, hatred or blame, but with love and appreciation for not leaving Gabriel to die alone.

I kept thinking to myself, “What if the shoe were on the other foot? What if it were this boy lying in the ICU hospital bed, and my son Gabriel was the one who chose to try to revive his friend? How would I want another family to treat my son?” The answer? “Respect.” And so that’s what we did, we showed regard for this gentleman. We thanked him for his endless efforts at reviving Gabriel. His friend’s actions allowed us to be with our son, to hold our child, and lavish our boy with much love.

The day Gabriel passed away, I lingered in his hospital room, laying in the bed with him, holding him as long as the hospital staff allowed. I felt his heart flutter to the end, and stop. As his heart ceased pumping, and he took his last breath a stillness filled the room. A quietness I had never experienced. No more breaths. Only silence.

I must have laid in bed holding him for another twenty minutes or so. I could feel his head leaning against me, and his lips touching my head. Once I finally was able to let go of his physical body, kiss him one last time, and leave his bed, I reached up to wipe my right forehead. I had felt some moisture, and even said, “My head is wet. I wonder how my head got wet?

My sister Tinker made a comment: “Gabriel kissed you. God knew he was not able to kiss you. This was the way God allowed him to kiss you goodbye.”

Wherever you are on this journey, as a parent of an addict, or if you are someone who struggles day by day with addiction, there is a God who offers His grace to you. God invites you to come as you are, in your brokenness, laying down your rights to yourself, exchanging your sins, your struggles, your short comings, for God’s merciful righteousness and salvation. He offers this to anyone, coming to Christ believing and receiving, by faith alone.  A life of faith in Christ is not about what you have done, but about who Christ is. It is not about who you are, but about what Christ has done.

Yes, indeed, the moisture was from Gabriel’s lips touching my forehead, just like in the picture below. And yes, I will look at the last moment, as his lips touched my head, as a sweet kiss of grace.

72 Hours Of Heroin

It’s been awhile since I last blogged.

But today I was prompted to reblog: “72 Hours of Heroin” because this story is so similar to what our family experienced. The young man in this story, Nicholas, could be anyone’s child. A guy with a loving and supportive family. A boy who was cherished by many, but yet he fought heroin addiction.

“Do you know someone hooked on heroin? Have you lost someone to this horrible drug? Are you willing to join in the fight against heroin?” (Raising2tweens).

 

 

 

Write across the river

When I met Nick in March he immediately told me about his nephew Nicholas who was in rehab for a heroin addiction. I was supportive. Nicholas got out of rehab and I embraced him with open arms. In fact, Nicholas and I really clicked. We would message each other through Facebook, text and talk on the phone from time to time. He came over our house for dinner a month or so ago. We grilled out, chatted and just had a good time. We talked about his addiction a lot. He often thanked me for not judging him and being so kind. I truly thought of him as my nephew. He struggled daily but was fighting so hard. His fight ended Monday, August 12 at 2 a.m. though.

I had just gone to bed and Nick was watching TV when the phone rang about 12:30 a.m. on Friday, Aug. 23. Nick came…

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Beautiful Gabriel: 32 Reasons to Rejoice

Today is the first birthday without my youngest son, Gabriel. Thirty two years old, but thirty one forever.

Handsome and witty like his dad. Loving music like his mom. Talented with the guitar like Jimi Hendrix (well, I think so).

My son Gabriel struggled with addiction. Gabriel overdosed April 8, 2013. The day of the 2013 NCAA final game.

While U of L was getting ready to battle for NCAA victory title, my son lay in an intensive care unit, battling for his life.

April 8 was also the day of my nephew David’s funeral.

My oldest sister’s son had died in a motor vehicle accident in his hometown of Searcy, Arkansas, on Thursday, April 4. This was also the last day I spoke to Gabriel to tell him of the tragic news. And to tell him I loved him.

April 8, the evening of my nephew’s funeral in Searcy, our Louisville family gathered in the hotel lobby to watch Louisville battle Michigan for the 2013 NCAA basketball title.

As I was sitting down with family to watch the game, my phone rang. Immediately I noticed the number to be from Gabriel’s recovery house director in Indianapolis. Gabriel had been in sober living off and on for three years.  The director and I spoke briefly, long enough for him to inform me Gabriel had overdosed just before the game, his heart had stopped, a friend performed CPR until paramedics arrived, epinephrine was given because he had experienced cardiac arrest, and he was rushed to a nearby hospital. I was assured he was “stable.”

Being a nurse for thirty years, I knew this could mean anything from, he will be fine, to, he has a blood pressure, but he is near death, and in grave condition.

The later proved to be the case.

For five days he lay in a coma. Brain scans and tests revealed he had anoxic encephalopathy. Some of his brain initially had activity, but by the end of the fourth day, he had herniated his brain stem, a part of his brain which houses vital functions such as blood pressure, heart rate, and respiratory breathing. In layman’s terms: Gabriel had lost the last of any brain function he had left.

We had been by Gabriel’s side when he herniated his brain stem, and witnessed his dramatic decline. He had worsened, instead of improved. Doctors compassionately broke the grim news, Gabriel was never going to wake up. Never.

We asked for tests to be redone, to reconfirm, to make sure procedure was followed to the tee. My husband and I stood by his side during testing. As a nurse, I just had to see for myself that there was not one loose testing lead, not one careless mistake made during any testing.

There was a point I lay over my son’s body, praying, crying, and begging God not to take him.

“I know you gave me your Son, but I don’t want to give you my son.”

“I can’t say like Job, ‘Blessed be the name of the Lord’. I can’t say it God. I can’t say it.”

Help me to be able to say, like Job, ‘Blessed be the name of the Lord.'” Job 1:18-22

My husband and I went to the chapel afterwards to pray and to talk about the decision options the doctors had given us. One, they could keep him alive on the respirator, feed him through a tube in his stomach, and move him to a nursing home or we could take him home on life support, with a life expectancy of only a few months. Or make the decision to allow him to go naturally and in peace.

Natural death to us was the way we chose.

Before Gabriel’s monitors were taken off, John 11: 43-44 popped in my mind. The part in the story where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead and said to the people “Take off the grave cloth and let him go.”

Even though Lazarus was raised from the dead on the earth, I sensed God saying to me:

“Take off the grave cloth and let Gabriel come to me.”

So, I asked the nurse if I could remove all the monitors and wires (his grave cloth). God’s peace covered me as I removed his monitors and whispered,  “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

He passed peacefully with me holding him in my arms and his father laying his ear on his chest to hear the last beats of his heart. Surrounded by sisters, his brother, niece, uncle, and aunt. A family lavishing him with our last moments of love, many kisses, and many tears.

Amidst such grief, amidst the intense sadness, of losing my son, there beams a ray of hope.

Hope that this is not all there is to this life. You can not go through a death of a loved one without thinking of eternity and questioning what happens when our earthly bodies die.

I believe Scripture to be true, and believe eternal life is real.

A place where God dwells among His people. (Revelation 21)

A place where God will make everything new (Revelation 21: 5).

There will be a New Heaven and a New Earth. A place where there is no more sickness, no more pain, no more death, no more mourning, no more crying (Revelation 21).

No more addiction. No more heroin.

Gabriel’s death has knocked the breath out of me and knocked me to my knees as I question the sovereignty of God, and as I question my faith and belief in the resurrection of Christ.

My biggest struggle? Wrestling with the reality of the resurrection of the dead.

So, I turn to 1 Corinthians 15 to learn and be reminded of the truth of the resurrection. Reading, studying, meditating, and being reassured by God, through His word, Christ is real, He was resurrected, and we too, who are in Christ will be raised from the dead.

I recently came across this quote from Tim Keller in his new book called Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering.

“But resurrection is not just consolation — it is restoration. We get it all back — the love, the loved ones, the goods, the beauties of this life — but in new, unimaginable degrees of glory and joy and strength.” (59)

While pondering this thought of the resurrection I decided today to think of 32 ways to rejoice in Christ, for Gabriel and his life. Here are my 32 reasons to rejoice in Christ and for the gift of my son Gabriel:

1. God chose me to be Gabriel’s mom. He knit Gabriel in my womb. I would not have it any other way. I am honored to be his mom. (Psalm 139:13)

2. God made Gabriel beautiful. He was wonderfully and beautifully made. He was a most beautiful boy, inside and out. (Psalm 139:14)

3. God sent His son Jesus, so my son, Gabriel, could have life. (John 3: 16)

4. God’s Holy Spirit allowed Gabriel to believe and receive Christ. To all who believed, to all who received, He gave the right to become children of God. He received and became a believer at 15 years old.  (John 1:12)

5. God making a way for Gabriel, through Christ, who became a sin offering, so that in Him, Gabriel might become the righteousness of God. Christ exchanges his righteousness for our sin. Christ imputed His righteousness to my son. For this I am most thankful. (2Corinthians 5:21)

6. God instilled in Gabriel’s heart the gift of giving and mercy. He was a teenager when he took his first”spiritual gift inventory”, which  revealed his God given gift of giving and mercy. He has given people his last meal and bought shoes for worn feet. (Romans 12: 6-8)

7. God’s mercies are new every single morning. I do not have to draw from the mercy or strength from yesterday, or from my faith of years ago to cope with grief from Gabriel’s earthly departure. Every morning God’s mercies are new. Every single morning. (Lamentations 3: 22-23)

8. God’s grace is sufficient, His strength is made perfect in my weakness. In my weakness while grieving, there are times I feel I am going under and am going to buckle. God’s grace is not de

THE BLOG IS MISSING REMAINING CONTENT. WILL TRY TO RESTORE OR REWRITE SOON.

How might you have responded if you saw this on your FB feed?: ”Nothing is more disgusting/sad than hearing about a woman with an unborn baby in her belly sitting out on her porch drinking alcohol every night…. Now that’s a low life,,,”

Shy Rice

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1: 7-8

Redemptive grace is a beautiful thing.

When ministering to women drug addicts, He often uses their lives to display His redemptive grace at work in their hearts. Many hunger for hope and question whether they are beyond the redemptive grace of God.

There are women who continue to abuse chemical substances while pregnant, often resulting in innocent infants being born addicted to crack or with fetal alcohol syndrome. Such behavior demonstrates the total depravity of who we are as humans.

Following is a recent Facebook news feed:

Nothing is more disgusting/sad than hearing about a woman with an unborn baby in her belly sitting out on her porch drinking alcohol every night…. Now that’s a low life,,, 

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“What should Adam and Eve have done? What did they wish they had done, wringing their hands and covering their faces in disbelief and horror when their son murdered their son?” Vivian Hyatt

Shy Rice

But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. Matthew 6: 6

Vivian Hyatt shares tremendous biblical insight as she so elegantly writes on the subject of adult children. Having four adult children of my own, this article could not have come in a more timely fashion.

Real life stories from the Word gives us tremendous hope as we journey through this life and face the same struggles like Adam and Eve.  Possibly dealing with feelings of guilt as a parent, wondering what they may have done to cause their adult child to go to such extremes.  Maybe even blaming each other as a parent. Or perhaps, as suggested by Hyatt in her article, blaming God for not intervening:

Did Adam and Eve blame their parenting? Did they…

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Pastor confesses drug addiction and near loss of family

This title and video story of a well-respected pastor who became addicted to opiates was posted on the blog site of Denny Burk.

Dallas Newspaper reports that Rev. Skip Ryan was pastor of Park Cities Presbyterian Church. What is interesting about this pastor is he was also addicted to opiates:

Percocet, hydrocodone, OxyContin—Ryan took them all while presiding over a booming church. ‘I was hiding so much. My life was a sham’

Drug addiction knows no socio-economic boundaries. Substance abuse creeps into the lives of people who sit in our churches, and yes, even affects pastors and their families.

Often times families of addicts share commonalities: denial, shame, guilt, pride, feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness. Skip and Barbara Ryan’s family was no different. What is striking about his story is his courage to expose his struggle knowing he would lose his ministry position as senior pastor of his church. But Ryan’s ministry does not cease, as some would think. The ending of his story is a beautiful testimony of restoration.

Read the full Dallas News article below by Steve Blow:

When a drug addict gets rehired by his old employer, that’s a great story of recovery.

When that drug addict is a minister and is rehired by his old church, that’s a living sermon.

“It’s a story of rescue and redemption,” said the Rev. Skip Ryan, former senior pastor of Park Cities Presbyterian Church.

On Sunday, it was announced to the congregation that Ryan is returning to the church staff as an assistant pastor.

Ryan, 64, abruptly resigned from the church in 2006. The story was that he had health problems. But news accounts quickly gave the full explanation. He was an opiate addict, hooked on prescription pain medicines.

Percocet, hydrocodone, OxyContin — Ryan took them all while presiding over the booming church. “I was hiding so much. My life was a sham,” he told me this week.

Outwardly, Ryan seemed a model of success. Park Cities Presbyterian was formed in 1991 as a more conservative offshoot of Highland Park Presbyterian. Ryan was called to be the new church’s first senior minister.

And in just a few years, the church had grown from 1,000 to 5,000 and had purchased the former Highland Baptist Church facilities on Oak Lawn Avenue.

But inwardly, Ryan said, he felt less and less capable and ever more burdened by all his responsibilities. One day in 2002, he was suffering from a pounding headache. Instead of the usual remedies, he took some leftover pain pills.

“Alarm bells should have gone off in my head, but they didn’t,” he said. And at first, the painkillers were great, seeming to cure all that ailed him. “The pills helped with more than one kind of pain,” he said.

But before he knew it, he was addicted — lying and conniving to keep the supply coming. And his dual life led to even more pain than he had felt before.

In 2006, he was attending a four-day conference that happened to be at a recovery center. There, a counselor asked a seemingly innocent question about the God that Ryan served. He began a theological answer, but the counselor rejected it.

“He saw something in me. And he said, ‘No, your god is drugs,’” Ryan recalled. “When he said that, I felt like the Lord was putting a sword through my heart.”

His recovery began on the spot. “I went there for four days and stayed for seven weeks,” he said.

Back in Dallas, his church and a wide circle of admirers were stunned to hear that he was resigning. In the following days, they were even more shocked to learn why.

Ryan says now that no one should have been shocked. As he has worked on his own recovery and also helped others, he has learned just how common addictions are — both to drugs and alcohol, but also to things like gambling, pornography, overeating and even shopping.

“Just because you are a Christian doesn’t mean you aren’t susceptible to all kinds of problems and needs in your life. The question is how you deal with them,” he said.

Ryan credits current Park Cities Presbyterian senior pastor Mark Davis with doing the unheard of: bringing a former senior minister back into the church, particularly after such a public fall.

But Davis told me that a supportive congregation is the key. “I have had no pushback,” he said. “In a church of 5,000, I have not had one negative email or phone call.”

Both men call this a story of God’s grace. “This is really what Christianity is all about: God pursuing his people and offering rescue,” Davis said.

For his part, Ryan said simply, “It’s like coming home.”

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When the light of Christ shines on the dark places of our lives, He does so not to embarrass or shame us, but to draw us to Himself. Breaking down our walls, shattering pride. Humbling us so we in turn can help others who are in need of grace themselves. Glad Skip Ryan sought help, exposed the secret, swallowed his pride, and now is restored in Christ and in ministry.

Addiction Journal: The Guarantees of Addiction/Recovery

Reposted from: Addiction Journal: The Guarantees of Addiction/Recovery

The Guarantees of addiction/ recovery

October 31, 2012

You are advised by other parents to not enable and to put your child out of your home if they are active in addiction.

Their advice is intellectually sound, yet you feel it is unloving and cold. The advice goes against everything you did as a parent prior to your child’s addiction. You study these parents and see their children found recovery, thus they must know something. You begin to follow their advice and your child is asked to choose between a drug free life and life on the streets.

One fact of addiction that I will guarantee if your child ends up on the streets is that it will be the most painful period in your life.

Tough love is tough on the family as well. Your mind will race relentlessly to dark places. Projection will tear at your heart. I hated those times when my son was out of my home. Thinking of those dark times still brings episodes of post traumatic stress.

A parent who I think has a great mind for parent recovery reminded me yesterday in a comment she made at this blog is that there exists no guarantee of recovery if we apply tough love.

She reminded me that I am lucky that my son embraced recovery after I applied tough love. I appreciate both her words and how lucky my family is. She is a wise advisor. I never take for granted that he is currently in recovery.

My recovery friend is correct; there are no guarantees your child will find sobriety if you practice tough love in your home.

Despite following the advice of other parents,Your child may still die. Your child may remain an active addict. Sadly there are no promises! The preceding statements are the dismal facts of addiction. Even writing those facts make me feel uneasy.

I was fortunate that in my home, tough love worked. Prior to inflicting the tough love principles, I had to come to a place in both my heart and in my head, that if he died on the streets I would accept that I had done all I could have done to help him.

In my life I knew there existed a guarantee on the flip side of tough love. Had I had remained in denial and enabling mode, my son would have died. Enabling would feed the disease that would eventually kill him. I would wager my own life on that fact. He ran hard and had overdosed multiple times as I was getting my tools together. Thankfully I applied what worked in my home in enough time.

Today, as a sober young man, he thanks me for my tough love back then. It was a long road that was very unpleasant and heartbreaking.

Looking back I would have made one change. I would have learned and dealt with his disease more quickly. I remained in denial for far too long.

The guarantees of addiction are;

– If you make it easy to do drug in your home. They will continue to use.

– If you live in denial they will continue to let you deny as they continue to use.

– If you don’t allow them to experience consequences while using they will continue to use.

– If you save them when they use, they will continue to use.

I understand these facts because I lived them. I made all the mistakes. Finally I began to change and continue to work on my recovery. I share what worked for me to help others. As Al anon preaches, “take what you want and leave the rest.”

It’s ultimately a private choice but I ask you,”Do you want your child to continue to use?”. I hope my experience helps you.

peace and strength

*If you feel this post will help another parent please feel free to to link, share, or retweet this Addiction Journal.

 

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How Do You Respond to People Who Feel Shame

How Do You Respond to People Who Feel Shame

Winston Smith, CCEF Counselor and Faculty, has written an insightful article with biblical implications on how we can respond to people who feel shame. He uses the story in Mark 5: 21-34 of the woman with an issue of blood.

Shame is a common thread among addicts and their families. Smith acknowledges first hand observation experience on how shame has the power to crush the spirit:

Over the last several years I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how to minister to people struggling with shame. As I’ve witnessed its power to crush the spirit, inflict suffering, and cultivate despair I’ve been driven to scripture seeking the Lord’s help to know how to love the victims of shame wisely.

The FULL ARTICLE is a must read for anyone, whether counselor, pastor, minister, church leader, or church member. We could all benefit from Smith’s wisdom in dealing with people who may “sneak” up on us in their shame.

According to Smith, “if you want a case study in shame, pay attention to this woman. Notice her behaviors and attitudes.”

Smith, at the end of his article, How Do you Respond to People Who Feel Shame, offers lessons we can learn from this passage and from the woman with an issue of blood:

There are many things we can learn from this passage but a few take-aways for me are:

• I want to combat shame by pointing people to the love of Christ, but just as importantly I want to embody that love. My actions and attitudes communicate. Jesus’ words were important but his actions were too.
• I don’t want to be so eager to identify sin in others that I miss the more immediate need of compassion and love. Locating sin and speculating about poor motives really is a lot easier than being patient, kind, and compassionate. I want to give others what they need in the moment, not what is easy for me.
• I don’t want the people in my life to feel like an interruption. May God have mercy on me, because I think sometimes they do.
• I don’t want people with problems to think I’m running from them, but sometimes in my fear I do.
• I can be honest about my limitations of time and wisdom without letting them think they are too needy to be helped or cared for. To do that I need to confess my own pride and self-reliance.

If you want to know how to love the shamed more wisely, the first step is to look around for those “sneaking up on you” just hoping to steal a touch and give it to them. Notice them. Make time for them. Invite them to give voice to their suffering. Embody and point them to the love of Christ.

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Winston Smith is a counselor and faculty member at CCEF.

What other insights do you have on how you can respond to people who feel shame?

Pointing the Shamed to Christ—-Feet First by Winston Smith

Pointing the Shamed to Christ—Feet First, by Winston Smith, CCEF Counselor & Faculty Member

Families of addicts commonly share feelings of shame, guilt, helplessness, and powerlessness. Many of these families are faithful Christians who find themselves scrambling on how to deal with addicted loved ones. One of the biggest obstacles faced by families is their shame and guilt.

And they are keeping quiet.

In our churches.

Unsure of who to trust.

Unsure of where to get help.

Unsure if anyone really cares.

How can the church help? What can pastors and church leaders offer to families who sit in the pews of our churches suffering in silence?

According to Winston Smith the answer lies in helping to remove the shame and guilt by not only pointing the shamed to Christ, but also by serving in the way Christ serves—“(dirty) feet first.”

Pointing the Shamed to Christ—Feet First, has implications not just for counselors, but for the church as well. Here is part of Smith’s article below:

What does this mean for us as counselors? Here are a few implications.

First, we have a role to play in removing the shame of others, and it is not simply to point the shamed to Jesus, but to serve in the way he serves. He didn’t just tell the disciples about washing the feet of others, it wasn’t a sermon illustration – he did it himself. There is no substitute for that. We have to be willing to don the humility and posture of a servant, wrap a towel around our waists and kneel before the shamed, touching their feet, not with a scowl of resentment, not with upturned noses, but in love, touching and washing those who desperately need to know the love of Christ in the first person. Jesus gives us a kind warning here, pointing us to the danger of those who would consider themselves faithful students all too willing to talk about their teacher but unwilling to dowhat he has done.

Second, we should be careful not to rush the shamed through their stories. Jesus took the time to wash all the disciples’ feet. He didn’t rush. Our response isn’t simply a prelude to the work of Christ, but a critical part of it. Clearly our love and concern isn’t a substitute for the love of Christ, but as those united to him and one another, it is certainly a critical expression of it. Our loving response is concrete, immediate evidence of Christ’s compassion and care. When we rush people through their stories it can communicate that we are ashamed of what we are hearing, that we can’t bear having their feet in our face.

Finally, because we are offering Christ’s love and not simply our own, we should try to make this connection as naturally and clearly as possible. For example, as we express personal sorrow and compassion for the suffering of the shamed, we also offer the comfort of remembering with them that Jesus, too, has experienced the agonies of shame and suffering and the psalms ultimately give voice to his very own cries of “How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?” (Ps.13:2). Or, for example, as we express genuine indignation and anger over the betrayals and abuses committed by those in power, we can remind the shamed that God, too, is angered by abusive shepherds, “I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock” (Ezek. 34:10a). Of course, there needs to be an artfulness to this or it will feel like we are switching gears when we move from our personal response to reflect on Jesus’ response. But the more we personally interact with Christ’s love as we find it in scripture, the more naturally and spontaneously we can share it with others.

How do we point the shamed to Christ? We do it by following his lead — by humbly loving and serving the shamed — (dirty) feet first. Winston Smith, CCEF Counselor and Faculty Member

Full article here by Winston Smith, CCEF Counselor and Faculty Member

What suggestions would you have for the church to minister to drug addicts and their families?

The Addict’s Mom

The Addict’s Mom

For two months now I have been a part of this fabulous resource for mothers of addicts called The Addict’s Mom.

The site was developed by a mother of an addict.  The focus is to offer an online support group for moms of addicts. With the intention to be a safe place for mothers to “share without shame” (plus many other support perks!).

The site has grown to almost 4000 moms!  Tragic!

But also a reprieve for those who are in much need of support and encouragement.

YAY to this courageous mother Barbara Theodosiou who, out of her own need, had a vision to reach out to other mothers.

Just like many of the mom’s I have met through her site, silence and shame seem common. For many many years I had kept silent about my own children’s struggle with addiction.

Why?

Because of the stigma of addiction.

Because I did not know how to help my child.

Because of denial.

Because I thought I could handle it alone.

Because of not knowing how to confront the issue.

Because I did not know how to intervene.

Because I have enabled and thought I was helping.

Because of shame and guilt.

Because of fear, fear of judgement by my family, friends, and church.

Because of feelings of overwhelming powerlessness.

“And because no one loves an addict” (Libby Cataldi, author of Staying Close).

The commonality of these reasons are prevalent among families of addicts. Even in the church.

As a proclaimed follower of Christ, I have come to embrace this trajectory in my life. To accept this path my feet are trudging, and to openly share my struggle with others. If only to point them to the One who offers true hope, and to also point families to practical help on their journey.

Being able to “share without shame” has allowed me to proclaim my faith in Christ to others who are experiencing the same struggle, has given me hope, and enabled me to persevere in the faith despite addictions in my family.

Yours can be on a journey of hope too.

A Journey of Hope Begins with a Place to “Share without Shame”

 Four years ago Barbara Theodosiou, a South Florida mother of four, found out that two of her sons were addicted to drugs. At a loss and not knowing where to turn, her life plunged into one of despair. She was living every mother’s worst nightmare and did not know where to turn.

Through her brokenness an idea was born: The Addict’s Mom. “Deep inside I knew I was not the only mom suffering. I knew there had to be other mothers who were going through the same emotional pain that I was. I wanted to create a place for mothers of addicts to have the freedom to share our pain without feeling the shame that often comes with having a child who is an addict.As the mother of two addicts, it took me four years to realize that I matter, that my life has purpose. I didn’t have to die inside because my sons were addicts. I am learning that I am important — to myself and other people in my life, including my husband and other children.”

United behind the credos of “Sharing without Shame” and “Together We Really Are Stronger,” thousands of mothers have joined The Addict’s Mom group fan pages on Facebook.

Recently, this new free membership site was launched, giving mothers support, valuable low cost resources to help their addicted children and a place to share with other mothers.

The Addict’s Mom helps create personal change and healing among the broken spirits of the addict’s moms.There has been dozens of testimonials from members saying how much the Addict’s Mom group has positively impacted their lives.

What are some of the reasons you have remained silent about a family member’s addiction?  What is your biggest struggle as you deal with an addicted loved one? How are you encouraged to find hope with your struggle?

What is the Difference Between Loving and Enabling?

CCEF counselor and faculty member Winston Smith discusses the difference between loving and enabling. For more information, visit http://www.CCEF.org.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l5Mo804IT8&feature=player_embedded

Are You Enabling?

Are you enabling? Enabling is not the same as helping.

Enabling refers to any behavior on your part that makes it easier for the addict to continue to abuse. If your husband is too hungover to get to work and you call in sick for him, then you have enabled his drinking and he is not left to face the consequences of his actions.

I am always looking for information to help with understanding how families enable the addict.

Read the article below by Choose Help: Are You Enabling?

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It can be very hard to live with an addict, and in addition to your concern for that person, you often end up making up for their deficiencies through superhuman efforts of your own.

The money gets spent on beer, so you have to get a second job, the drivers license is revoked, so you become a chauffeur, He’s passed out in the lawn, so you ‘re up in the middle of the night dragging him into bed…if only so the neighbors don’t see.

It’s far too easy to enable the behaviors of an alcoholic or drug addict, but one of the most caring things that family can do for an alcoholic is to stop enabling, have the consequences of their intoxicated behaviors fall onto their own shoulders, and see if this alone may not just be enough to get the addict to seek help.

Enabling refers to any behavior on your part that makes it easier for the addict to continue to abuse. If your husband is too hungover to get to work and you call in sick for him, then you have enabled his drinking and he is not left to face the consequences of his actions.

If your wife is arrested for drunk driving, and you rush down to bail her out of jail, you again are not allowing her to face the consequences of her own behavior, and are making it easier for her to continue with drinking.

We all enable because we care, and out a desire to protect a loved one with a substance abuse problem, but sometimes tough love is the best love, and it’s the only kind of love that has any chance of getting the abuser to change his or her behavior.

 Here are some tips on how to stop enabling:

• Don’t lend money.
• Don’t make excuses for the addict or for their behavior…to anyone, not even yourself.
• Don’t compensate for an addict’s failings with your own superhuman efforts, i.e. His car payments are his responsibility.
• Set some limits for your actions and behaviors, be clear as to those limits, and stay firm when he or she tries to change your behaviors. (When she is drunk, she doesn’t get to see the kids…no exceptions).
• Do not fight with the addict over their behaviors.

These are all very hard things to do, and it goes against our impulses to “do nothing” when our heart is screaming at us to “do something!”; but by doing nothing we are in fact doing as much as we possibly can, and this is the only way we have any power of influence over the alcoholic or drug abuser.

More information and strategies against enabling can be had at any family addiction peer support organization, or through the services of a professional addictions counselor.

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What are some ways you have set boundaries with the person you know, so as not to enable them in their addiction?

“Stay Close”: A Mother’s Story of Her Son’s Addiction

Stay Close 

Jeff Bratton and Libby Cataldi, author of Stay Close, speak about the shame and guilt that surrounds addiction and how her son Jeff ultimately achieved sobriety.

An Addict in Our Son’s Bedroom

An Addict in Our Son’s Bedroom

Enabling is a different from helping. This blog link is written by the parents of an addict. They give personal insight into how they set boundaries so as not to enable their son. Hope this helps you in understanding the difference between enabling and helping.

Setting boundaries can be hard for families, because they often confuse enabling and helping.

What specific boundaries have you implemented in dealing with the addict in your life?

8 Steps to Confronting an Addict: The Nathan Approach

The snare of addiction is an evil murky pit.

Confronting your loved one caught in a web of addiction can be just as miry.

Is there a biblical model we can follow to help guide us through the miry waters? 2 Samuel 12 comes to mind when speaking of confronting. In this passage, Nathan, the prophet, confronts King David about his adultery. Even though addiction and David’s woes are different, the process of confronting can still be applied.

2  Samuel 12: 1-15

The Nathan Approach

Did you catch the approach Nathan used to confront David? Emotional manipulation, anger, yelling, and threatening? Passivity? Avoidance? Dismissal?

No!

Out of our own frustrations we often resort to such means because we do not know how to deal with the circumstance. If not these strategies, then how do you deal with confronting? I think Nathan’s approach of confronting can help us.

Here are 8 steps we can learn from the text:

1        The Lord sent Nathan. Your approach: Go in the strength of God, not your own strength. Ask God for wisdom. Ask God to allow you to see what He sees. Ask God to give you a heart like His. Ask God to remove any pride in your own heart.

2       Nathan goes with a story given to him by God. Your approach:  Be prepared in what you will say. Ask God to show you what words to use. Notice, Nathan does not put David on the defense. Or approach him with harsh words. He approaches him respectfully. He finds something David can relate to. Choose your words wisely. If need be, write down what you will say.

3        Nathan exposes the secret. Your approach: Expose the secret with facts and evidence.  Some examples: finding paraphernalia, or noticing physical, emotional, social, and mental changes. 

Take out the emotion, use evidence and facts. For example: “I found these burned spoons in your room with q-tips. You say you are not using, but here is the evidence that says you are.” Maybe it is more subtle: They are staying up days on end, then sleep for days. They avoid eye contact. Or isolate themselves. Their color is ashen. Maybe they have lost a significant amount of weight.

Do not use emotional manipulation, threatening, crying, yelling, or anger. Go with a motive of restoration. Have your antennas up if you suspect drug abuse. If they are using, you will find the evidence. An addict keeps his paraphernalia on him or in close proximity. He will display physical, mental, and emotional symptoms eventually. The drug will wear on him.

4        The problem is not between Nathan and King David. Your approach: Don’t make it a personal issue. No matter how much the addict blame shifts, guilt’s, manipulates, or attacks you, the problem is not you personally.  Understand secrets are common for the addict.  Keep the focus on evidence of usage.

5        God did not tell Nathan how King David would respond. Your approach: Brace yourself for any reaction, especially defensiveness and anger. Most addicts will usually lie when confronted. When there is evidence they will try to explain it away, or react by becoming very angry and walk off. Notice King David was “furious” when first confronted. Don’t let anger deter you. But also notice something else. When Nathan says to David, “You are that man”, David quickly realizes he has been exposed, his secret out in the open. What is strikingly beautiful is David’s response to his secret: He acknowledges his sin. He acknowledges what he has done! See, God already knew his secret. And God knows the secret of the addicts using, even when they continue to deny. However, just like David, the addict, when confronted, may have the same response David did. He may acknowledge his secret openly. Why? So healing can begin.

6        Nathan speaks the truth in love to King David. Your approach: Reflect God’s heart. Speak truth in love. Stay focused on facts. Resist speaking with venom. Always check your motive before confronting. There is a way to be firm and not buckle under emotion.

7        When confronted King David confesses. Your approach: Realize a confession may come, or not. You are making tremendous headway if the addict is honest. That is so huge! Acknowledge him for this. However, most will fight the truth and fight to keep the secret.

8        King David faced consequences for his actions, but God was still merciful. Your approach: Extend mercy but have consequences. For example, an addict who may be living with you uses. The agreement being no drug usage if living in your home. If the person relapses, the consequence could be detox, inpatient rehab, & a recovery plan for the next year.

Remember detox is not recovery. Think through the consequences you will implement. You will have to set what the boundaries are and STICK TO THEM! Always remembering the end goal is restoration.

There is an absolutely fascinating redemptive end to King David’s story. You can find the story in Psalm 51.

Thanks for letting me share my heart with you. I pray your faith in God would prompt you to continue to persevere in the faith.

What are some ways you have confronted your loved one? What worked? What didn’t? What advice would you give someone else about confronting an addict?

Drinking Alcohol with a Baby in her Belly: Christ Removes the Veil

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1: 7-8

Redemptive grace is a beautiful thing.

When ministering to women drug addicts, He often uses their lives to display His redemptive grace at work in their hearts. Many hunger for hope and question whether they are beyond the redemptive grace of God.

There are women who continue to abuse chemical substances while pregnant, often resulting in innocent infants being born addicted to crack or with fetal alcohol syndrome. Such behavior demonstrates the total depravity of who we are as humans.

Following is a recent Facebook news feed:

Nothing is more disgusting/sad than hearing about a woman with an unborn baby in her belly sitting out on her porch drinking alcohol every night…. Now that’s a low life,,, (emphasis mine)

What is startling regarding the comment, is the words were posted by a young woman who has needed redemptive grace in her own life. She too has struggled with substance abuse.

Compelled to comment, here was my response:

Heartbreaking for sure. Reminded of your August 18 post. Low life? Jesus hung out with the lowly. He died between 2 criminals. Lost and in need of a loving God! Pray for this girl. Pray God to lift the veil from her heart so she can see Jesus clearly. The same God who saved me and you can save her from herself. Grace.

Her rebuttal:

Your [sic] right Arlene. He did hand [sic] out with the lowly of the world. But not the ones who rejected Him. (emphasis mine)

The statement implies Christ only hung out with those who did not reject Him.

Scripture would teach us just the opposite. Christ was frequently among what society would label as low life’s.

Yes, he hung out in the synagogues (and many rejected Him there) to teach the religious how Scripture pointed to Him.

Yes, he hung with His disciples. He did so to teach them about the truth of the gospel. Through them this message was spread throughout the world. Luke records this in the New Testament book of Acts.

Just as importantly, he hung out with despised tax collectors, low life prostitutes, and unclean lepers.

The book of Luke (although, not the only book) is a great place to examine Christ’s ministry.

Removing the Veil

We, as humans, are capable of some of the most detestable actions, harming others at the expense of our own self-indulgent gods. All the while continuing to reject the redemptive grace Christ offers.

Should we be abhorred by the behavior of a pregnant woman abusing alcohol?

Yes!

At the same time, also realizing such actions as harming an unborn child by drinking is a reflection of the extent of our deplorable sin nature.

2 Corinthians 3: 15 reminds us when people reject God, the reason is because there is a veil which covers their heart .Because this veil covers their heart, they do not understand the Word of God. The passage goes on to teach us the veil is only removed when we turn to Christ. So you can not expect someone to understand the things of God when they are blinded by a shroud.

What then prompts us to turn to Christ?

Further down in verse 17 you find the answer. God’s Holy Spirit is the only one to lift the veil.

Even if you are a pregnant woman and drink alcohol on your porch, God’s Holy Spirit can move and cause one to turn to Him.

Which brings us to the story of Erica.

 

Redemptive Grace in Action

Erica may not even remember me, but I remember her. I remember her beautiful disposition. I remember her gorgeous smile. Her blond hair.Her youth. Her struggle to stay clean. Her battle to remain sober.

She lived a year in a residential home for women. Now a living testimony of redemptive grace. When I first met her I remember thinking, “she’s so young God…will she make it out alive?

Recently, while browsing Facebook, a status update from Erica showed up in my news feed (Thank you Erica for letting me share):

2 yrs. clean and sober as of today! Woohoo! No shortcuts, no in-betweens, no days off. It’s been 2 yrs… straight in a row… of endless prayers, keeping the faith, accepting the guidance and keeping my head held high…drug and alcohol free. Whoa. =D I never thought I’d see the day come! But then again, my God is just that awesome and I’m so thankful He saw fit for me to be given another chance at life..so is my family. I definitely believe in miracles…I am one. Now, I think this miracle is going to go bake herself a cake..haha. Thank you God.

Does this just make your heart sing with joy? A joy unspeakable to know Erica has experienced the lavishness of God’s riches.

 That, my friends, is redemptive grace.

How might you have responded if you saw this on your FB feed?:  “Nothing is more disgusting/sad than hearing about a woman with an unborn baby in her belly sitting out on her porch drinking alcohol every night…. Now that’s a low life,,,” 

 

 

Let Them Come Home by Abraham Piper

So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.  Luke 15: 20

I came across this article today Let Them Come Home, by Abraham Piper, son of author and pastor John Piper.

At the end of his writing, he offers suggestions …”to help you reach out to your wayward child so that they, too, would wake up to Christ’s amazing power to save even the worst of us.”

If you have a wayward child, may your faith in God prompt you to pray for and live out ways you can practically reach out to them.

Let Them Come Home by Abraham Piper

September 1, 2007-when I was 19 I decided I’d be honest and stop saying I was a Christian. 

At first I pretended that my reasoning was high-minded and philosophical. But really I just wanted to drink gallons of cheap sangria and sleep around. Four years of this and I was strung out, stupefied and generally pretty low. Especially when I was sober or alone.

My parents, who are strong believers and who raised their kids as well as any parents I’ve ever seen, were brokenhearted and baffled. I’m sure they were wondering why the child they tried to raise right was such a ridiculous screw-up now. But God was in control.

One Tuesday morning, before 8 o’clock, I went to the library to check my e-mail. I had a message from a girl I’d met a few weeks before, and her e-mail mentioned a verse in Romans.I went down to the Circle K and bought a 40-ounce can of Miller High Life for $1.29. Then I went back to where I was staying, rolled a few cigarettes, cracked open my drink, and started reading Romans. I wanted to read the verse from the e-mail, but I couldn’t remember what it was, so I started at the beginning of the book. By the time I got to chapter 10, the beer was gone, the ashtray needed emptying and I was a Christian.

The best way I know to describe what happened to me that morning is that God made it possible for me to love Jesus. When He makes this possible and at the same time gives you a glimpse of the true wonder of Jesus, it is impossible to resist His call.

Looking back on my years of rejecting Christ, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child so that they, too, would wake up to Christ’s amazing power to save even the worst of us.

1. Point them to Christ.
Your rebellious child’s real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or porn or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or homosexuality or being in a punk band. The real problem is that your child doesn’t see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for rebellious children—and the only reason to follow any of these suggestions—is to show them Christ. It won’t be simple or immediate, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will begin to disappear only when they see Jesus more as He actually is.

2. Pray.
Only God can save your children, so keep on asking Him to display Himself to them in a way they can’t resist worshiping Him for.

3. Acknowledge that something is wrong.
When your daughter rejects Jesus, don’t pretend that everything is fine.

If you know she’s not a believer and you’re not reaching out to her, then start. And never stop. Don’t ignore her unbelief. Ignoring it might make holidays easier, but not eternity.

4. Don’t expect them to be Christlike.
If your son is not a Christian, he won’t act like one, and it’s hypocrisy if he does. If he has forsaken your faith, he has little motivation to live by your standards, and you have little reason to expect him to.

If he’s struggling to believe in Jesus, there is little significance in his admitting that it’s wrong to get wasted, for instance. You want to protect him, yes, but his most dangerous problem is unbelief—not partying. No matter how your child’s behavior proves his unbelief, always be sure to focus more on his heart’s sickness than its symptoms.

5. Welcome them home.
Because your deepest concern is your son’s heart, not his actions, don’t create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, don’t make it hard for him. God may use your love to call him back to Christ. Obviously there are instances when parents must give ultimatums: “Don’t come to this house, if you are …” But these will be rare. Don’t lessen the likelihood of an opportunity to be with your child by pushing him away with rules.

If your daughter stinks like weed or an ashtray, spray her jacket with Febreeze and change the sheets when she leaves, but let her come home. If you find out she’s pregnant, then buy her folic acid, take her to her 20-week ultrasound, protect her from Planned Parenthood, and by all means let her come home. If your son is broke because he spent all the money you lent him on loose women and ritzy liquor, then forgive his debt as you’ve been forgiven, don’t give him any more money—and let him come home. If he hasn’t been around for a week and a half because he’s been staying at his girlfriend’s—or boyfriend’s—apartment, urge him not to go back, and let him come home.

6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.
Be gentle in your disappointment.

What concerns you most is that your child is destroying herself, not that she’s breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows—especially if she was raised as a Christian—that what she’s doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is, so she doesn’t need this pointed out. She needs to see how you are going to react to her evil. Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do trust Jesus.

Her conscience can condemn her by itself. Your role is to stand kindly and firmly, always living in the hope that you want your child to return to.

7. Connect them to other believers.
Obviously, you are distant from your wayward child; otherwise you wouldn’t think they’re wayward. This is another reason why pleading is better than rebuking—your relationship with your rebellious child is tenuous and should be protected if at all possible.

But rebuke is still necessary. A lot of rebellious kids would do well to hear that they’re being fools, but you’re probably not the one to tell them. Try to keep other Christians in their lives and trust God to connect your son or daughter with a believer who can point out your child’s folly without getting the door slammed on them.

8. Respect their friends.
Of course your daughter’s relationships are founded on sin. And, yes, her friends are bad for her. But she’s bad for them, too. And nothing will be solved by making it evident that you don’t like who she’s hanging around with.

Be hospitable. Her friends are someone else’s wayward children, and they need Jesus, too.

9. E-mail them.
When you read something in the Bible that encourages you and helps you love Jesus more, write it up in a couple of lines and send it to your child. The best exhortation—better than any correction—is for them to see Christ’s joy in your life.

Don’t stress out when you’re composing these as if each one needs to be singularly powerful. Just whip them out and let the cumulative effect of your satisfaction in God gather up in your child’s inbox. God’s Word is never useless.

10. Take them to lunch.
If possible, don’t let your only interaction with your child be electronic. Get together with him face to face if you can. You may think this is stressful and uncomfortable, but trust me that it’s far worse to be in the child’s shoes—he is experiencing all the same discomfort, but compounded by guilt. So if he is willing to get together with you for lunch, praise God, and use the opportunity.

It may almost feel hypocritical to talk about his daily life, since what you really care about is his eternal life, but be sure to do it anyway. He needs to know you care about all of him. Then, before lunch is over, ask about his soul. You don’t know how he’ll respond. Will he roll his eyes like you’re a moron? Will he get mad and leave? Or has God been working in him since you talked last? You don’t know until you risk asking. God will give you the gumption.

11. Take an interest in their pursuits.
Odds are that if your daughter is purposefully rejecting Christ, then the way she spends her time will disappoint you. Nevertheless, find the value in her interests, if possible, and encourage her. You went to her school plays and soccer games when she was 10; what can you do now that she’s 20 to show that you still really care about her interests?

Jesus spent time with tax collectors and prostitutes, and He wasn’t even related to them. Imitate Christ by being the kind of parent who will put some earplugs in your pocket and head downtown to where your daughter’s CD release show is. Encourage her and never stop praying that she will begin to use her gifts for Jesus’ glory instead of her own.

12. Point them to Christ.
This can’t be stressed enough. It’s the whole point. No strategy for reaching your son or daughter will have any lasting effect if the underlying goal isn’t to help them know Jesus.

The goal is not that they will be good kids again. It’s not that they’ll get their hair cut and start taking showers; it’s not that they’ll like classical music instead of deathcore; it’s not that they’ll vote conservative again by the next election. The goal is not for you to stop being embarrassed at your weekly Bible study or even for you to be able to sleep at night, knowing they’re not going to hell.

The only ultimate reason to pray for them, welcome them, plead with them, eat with them, or take an interest in their interests is so that their eyes will be opened to Jesus Christ.

And not only is He the only point, but He’s the only hope. When they see the wonder of Jesus, satisfaction will be redefined. He Himself will replace the money, or the praise of man, or the high, or the sex that they are staking their eternities on right now. Only His grace can draw them from their perilous pursuits and bind them safely to Him—captive, but satisfied.

God will do this for many. Be faithful and don’t give up.

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Grace.

Godly Intoxication: The Church Can Minister to Addicts by Tim Lane

I am always looking for any help when it comes to how we as a church can minister to addicts and their families. Never in a million years would I have imagined myself on this trajectory in life. Each of us has a story. Mine just happens to be a path involving addictions. The Gasp of Death tells my story. Tim Lane has a fantastic article called “Godly Intoxication: The Church Can Minister to Addicts”.

CCEF recently posted their current issue of the Journal of Biblical Counseling.

Churches can and should minister to people caught in addictions. Tim Lane’s “Godly Intoxication” sets forth a vision. He cogently summarizes the dynamics of addiction, the dynamics of change, and the dynamics of the love of God. These core understandings feed directly into how vibrantly functioning church communities can offer exactly the sort of help an addict most needs.

The last part of Lane’s article focuses on Ephesians 4 as a model for ministry to addicts:

Ephesians Offers Help: A New Social Order Called the Church

“Scripture offers us guidance as to how the church can be a place for people to find help. One place to begin is the book of Ephesians. The primacy of Christian community for growth in grace is described well here. In the first three chapters,Paul makes us aware of the wonderful grace that has come to us through the work of the Father,Son, and the Spirit on our behalf. Paul first describes our union with Christ (1:1–2:10). Then he paints a picture of life in the body of Christ(2:11–3:13). He prays that these two realities would become the very experience of the church(3:14–21). Paul turns a corner in Chapter 4 and begins to talk about where the new found faith,power, freedom, and liberty in the gospel are worked out. He places our growth in grace in the context of our relationships in the local church.Paul describes how we work out the implications of the Christian life within the church. As individuals who have been redeemed for the purpose of glorifying God in our physical bodies, we are to find spiritual nurture within the church and through our relationships with one another. Paul highlights how a Christian grows in community (4:1–16). He uses a series of metaphors to help his readers further understand the nature of the Christian life:

*New things replace old things (4:17–24).

*Truth and love replace falsehood and bitterness (4:25–32).

*Obedience replaces disobedience (5:1–7).

*Light replaces darkness (5:8–14).

*Wisdom replaces folly (5:15–17), and

*Spirit-intoxication replaces drunkenness(5:18–21).”

My faith in Christ has prompted me to learn and read all I can about substance abuse, so I may be able to minister to families who face the monster of addiction in their lives. So anytime there is an article I come across which can offer a biblical perspective on the church and addictions, I jump at the chance to glean more insight.

Lane’s article has inspired me with a new hope that churches can minister to addicts. I hope you are encouraged as well. It was well worth the $1.49!

May your faith in Christ prompt you to continue to persevere, no matter your struggle.

What suggestions would you have for the church to help minister to addicts and their families?

Grace.

Full Circle Intervention: Help for Families of Addicts

I recently read a secular book called The Lost Years by Kristina Wandzilak and her mother Constance Curry.

The story resonated with my own experience as a mother.

I could not put the book down.

The Lost Years is a true life story of addiction and recovery that reveals the brutal details of the worst that can happen to an ordinary family and how they triumphed over adversity. It describes a daughter’s decline into alcohol and drug addiction, and her mother’s attempts to rescue her yet protect herself and her other children. Written as a dual narrative, mother and daughter give their first hand accounts of the years lost to addiction and alcoholism, and how tough love, intervention and rehabilitation eventually saved them and their family. Kristina now works in the treatment of addiction as an expert interventionist and Constance shares her hope and recovery with families, in Al-Anon meetings and in their community.
(The book is gritty and raw, so if this offends you, you might want to abstain).

Kristina has dedicated her life to helping addicts and their families through her program Full Circle Intervention.

The story she tells is heart wrenching and yet life changing, and nothing short of a miracle.

…know that the story I have to tell is true and if I can change my life, anyone can.
Hear her powerful story here: Kristina Wandzilak

We wish to share with all our readers the healing and understanding this book has brought to our family. Perhaps, the hope in our story will serve as an inspiration to others who might see themselves or their loved ones in similar situations. Constance Curry

As always, I pray your faith would prompt you to persevere to the end.

Grace.

If Only I had a Green Nose

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God
because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Romans 12: 1-2

My daughter wrote this a few months back and graciously gives me permission to share.

If you have a loved one in the abyss of chemical addiction, may your faith in Christ prompt you to persevere.

“IF ONLY I HAD A GREEN NOSE”

If only “I” had a green nose.
This charming children’s book is brimming full with all kinds of lessons on peer pressure, conforming to the standards of the world, and desiring to be someone other than who God created you to be. But more importantly, the book portrays a loving God who removes the unwanted paint and offers restoration by shaving away the rough edges of our lives.

Those of you who resided at Teen Challenge Hannah’s House with me are most likely familiar with this book. As I reflect back to those days of sitting at the dining room table working on my second contract, I wondered how in the world I would come up with 750 words to write about a book that didn’t even seem to be 750 words long itself. Nevertheless, my comrades in recovery and I found something to write about from this child’s book.

Each one of us individually gleaned insightful lessons from what seemed at first to be a pointless task.

“If Only I Had a Green Nose” depicts a village of people called wemmicks and their man-made creator, Eli, who is a representation of God. In the story another character emerges, a village wemmick named Punchinello. As “Punch” stands afar and observes the other village wemmicks below, he notices they are standing in line to get their noses painted green. Punchinello reassures himself he likes the way Eli, his creator, has made him. He swears and vows he will stay the way he was created, without a painted nose.

However, it is not long before Punch and his friends enter the village below and begin to conform to the wemmick society by painting their noses green. No sooner does he get his nose painted green, the other wemmicks start to appear with red noses. Then yellow. Then orange. Then purple. He conforms each time to be like the other wemmicks.

Pretty soon Punch ceases to know how this all started and decides he does not want to be like all the wemmicks with their array of colorful painted noses. He wants his own nose back, the nose Eli created for him. He returns to Eli, asking him to make him back into the wemmick he was intended to be.

One of the last pages depicts Punch in Eli’s hand getting his nose shaved with sandpaper and a tear in his eye.

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I should probably give unaware readers a little background knowledge as to why I came to be at Teen Challenge Hannah’s House. I will give candid insight, without shame, to how I have come to where I am today. The reason I do so, is because if my story can help one person then it doesn’t matter how uncomfortable I might be in the process. I have been taught that I should not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.

I am a recovering heroin addict. I grew up in a loving middle class Christian family, attended private Christian schools, was involved in a church youth group, and hardly ever missed a Sunday in church. This gives true testament that addiction doesn’t discriminate to race, social class, or church membership.

My parents are awesome. My father is the hardest working man I have ever known. My mother has such a strong unshakable relationship with the Lord. Satan has tried to waiver her faith time and time again. Both are a true inspiration.

Despite my parents best efforts, I still managed to stray on a plotted out path of self destruction, self indulgence, and self gratification. I lived for over 10+ years in a strong addiction, that just until a few years ago I never acknowledged would get the best of me.
I had been homeless for a while. My parents let me move back in with them for a month, until I could get into an inpatient treatment program. Secretly, I continued to use drugs.

On June 27th, 2010 the Lord decided that it was time that he show me his power. Suddenly and very drastically, drug addiction had stripped my careless worries of money right out from under me.

My whole world crashed down around me that day. My brother found me unresponsive in the basement of my parents home from a heroin overdose. The ambulance got lost on the way to the house. God used my mother to breathe life back into me.

I had hit my bottom.

I came to be at Teen Challenge Hannah’s House in Lexington,Ky. On July 12th ,2010. I was angry at God and bitter towards everyone as a whole. I thought that I would go away to rehab for a bit and sleep, watch TV, and just basically lounge around. It wasn’t until after my mom and two aunts left me 100 miles away from home that I was told I would actually have to work for my recovery! Can you believe that?

Every minute of every day was planned out for me at HH, and I couldn’t stand the structure. I had a hard time concentrating on any work because a haze clouded my mind. Then, in my second contract, I was given this children’s book and told to write a 750 word paper. I didn’t understand it, but I did what was required because I just wanted to go home!

Here I am a year later. I finally get the importance and the reasons why we had to do everything we did at HH, sitting day in and day out at that dining room table working on life’s lessons and recovery (baby monitor hidden behind a fake plant).

I took a lot away from this book.

In the first part of my paper I wrote, I compared how Punch’s desire to be like the green nosed wemmicks paralleled how I had tried to conform to society. Wanting to be a size two and going to extremes to attempt to attain that goal. I wanted to be accepted. So, I took another approach.

Punch’s rainbow colored nose struck me in a different way. I attributed the colors to all the drugs I had done in my short 25 years on earth. From alcohol, to weed, cocaine, acid, xanax, meth, oxycodone, oxycontin and then finally landing on heroin.

Heroin was my one true love. Heroin didn’t care what I looked like. As a matter of fact heroin helped me be ok with who I was. Heroin didn’t care about any relationship problem that I was going through. Heroin didn’t even care if I cheated with other drugs. Yes! That was my answer, to be completely numb. Addiction led me in years of a downward self destructive spiral.

I have taken the road less traveled- not a lot of addicts make it out. I have lost many friends to the drug addiction and I am determined to not let them die in vain. That is impossible without God and I am fully aware of that today.

Thank God that He sees the bigger picture beyond addiction. Christ has so much more in store for me than being a junkie. Yes, just like in one of the last pictures of a tear rolling out of Punch’s eye, the transformation to my new life is uncomfortable and even seems impossible at times.

My relationship with God is so much stronger now, where as before it was virtually nonexistent. I look so forward to God continuing to mold me into the person that he intended me to be. I desire to continue to live my life in a complete faith and love of the one who saved me, Jesus Christ.

Thank you God for saving me from myself!

 L. R.
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Please pray for my daughter. God is shaving her nose with sandpaper.

Grace.

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